So lately I've been a bit of a grumpy guss. Life has been throwing me some unexpected curve balls. All these add up to one thing: I am tired and worn out. School just needs to be put in time out for a while. Then, I was reading my scriptures. I don't remember what the verse was about, but I was pondering on service. Mainly, service to my spouse. I'd been feeling lately that my grumpy attitude was not very helpful to our relationship.
I wanted my outward expressions to show my inward gratitude for Stuart. I wanted to serve him. I simply felt like I needed to do more. But what more could be done? I was working, cleaning the apartment, baking cookies. Plus, the feelings of tiredness were overwhelming. How could I focus my efforts on one more thing?
Then, and this is why I know that my Heavenly Father is aware of our needs, a thought popped into my head. "You just need to be happy. That is the best service you can give to your husband." At first I was a little shocked. But, I was happy! Yes, but was I showing it?
For some, I understand this service seems daunting, especially when depression is playing a part in the situation. Depression becomes the unexpected scenario that is always present in your daily struggles. But, for those who are simply weighed down by everyday struggle, remember that it is better to look up.
So, I've been trying this experiment for a few days now and it reminds me of the love dare from the movie fireproof. I am simply trying to show my true feelings of happiness to Stuart. Honestly, even if he hasn't noticed, I have. I love him more. I appreciate him more. And I am more able to see the blessings in my life, while still acknowledging the dissonant tones that linger in the back ground.
In music, we need dissonance. It makes the resolution sweet. However, when dissonance drowns out all of the beautiful music, the listener can become anxious and feel unresolved.
I think I will listen more to all the beautiful sounds around me.
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