Pure honesty and a lot of love

A few things have been on my mind lately. I am so scared to death about leaving Provo, it's not even funny. Don't get me wrong... I am SOOOOOO excited to graduate but sometimes I just scared about living the life I want to have. That's right, my own potential scares me. I know I can do great things, but the question is, will I? There are times when fear just sucks everything out of me. Like being lonely. I am so scared of being lonely that sometimes I'm afraid I will take drastic measures and marry that boy that would be so incredibly wrong for me and make my life so incredibly miserable. Never-mind. Crisis averted. 

So, as I'm sitting here and thinking about being honest. I'm scared of going to graduate school. But excited because it means new adventures and hopefully being closer to my family. Which is true regardless of where I choose, it's just a matter of extended family or immediate family. But I am scared to lose touch with friends. The other day, Bea said, "Let's be honest, we talk about having all of these reunions, but it probably won't happen." My best friends are leaving. I am leaving. Sad. day. 


Firstly, there's these girls. Oh goodness. Camille and I met at BYU-I and Beatriz and I in Alpine Court. Oh, the years are flying! Camille is going to Armenia to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Have you ever seen Armenian? It looks like this: ճէրմակ
(White) and then sounds like.... yeah um, I'll let you know that later. Beatriz is going to go to Puerto Rico and become an amazing lawyer, eventually a guardian ad litem. We have a plan. She's going to prosecute the criminals, I'm going to therapy on the families and Camille will do their family history. I like this plan. It means we get to see each other again. Well okay, before we die. 

And this girl. Becca Hay. Fondly known as Becca Texas to my phone. We connected in the library almost four years ago, yes? We decided that a breakdown in the library was a good way to form a friendship. She always talks about how I saved her that day, but in reality I couldn't get along without her. That's why we have a plan. We will live close enough to one another to drive. I know my parents approve of this plan. I was talking to them about South Carolina and they said, "And you'd be close enough to visit Becca when she gets into Emory". Love it. 

And this girl. Oh Davina, Seattle is going to be so happy to see you! Davina is going to be an amazing travel agent someday and we are going to take trips to Italy and Spain and Ireland. It's going to be amazing. Choir friends years ago= living close enough to walk to her house and deal with life crisis things together. I will miss that. 

Provo sunrises. I will miss walking to school and seeing this. It is breath-taking. Running on still mornings and praying to my Heavenly Father is such a wonderful way to start the day. 

Another honesty thing. I love being happy! "there is nothing wrong with loving the crap out of everything. negative people build their walls. so never apologize for your enthusiasm. never. ever. never"- ryan adams. Forget the fear. I'm going to love the crap out of life. I'm going to love getting into graduate school. I'm going to love talking with my Heavenly Father about my decision. I'm going to love skyping with my family. I'm going to love being single (Not gonna lie, sometimes this one is hard. But, I've realized that I grow so much from having to fight heartache like this. I think Heavenly Father thinks I am very strong). I'm just going to love. Because hate corrodes, but love grows!