Covenant to do His will

Sometimes Satan really gets on my nerves. We know, through revelation, that God will allow Satan to tempt us. It is part of God's plan for His children, that we are tried and tested and made stronger. But God will not allow us to be tempted above that which we are able to bear. But think about it. I mean, really think about it. If we are tempted, and able to bear that, we are tempted again. This whole time, we are building spiritual muscles, until one day we are able to "endure all things". All things? Right now, as Becca would say, "I am doing life. I am not necessarily doing it well, but I am doing it." Today was one of those days where I prayed in the temple, dropped to my knees in my bathroom, living room, bed room and prayed as I exercised. It has been a day with a loving Father, because no other solace seems to be working. I tend to have to learn the same lesson over and over again. 

I have recently been struggling, trying to figure out why God would uproot a girl, firmly planted in the soil of Provo, Utah and just putting down baby roots in Athens, Georgia, in Logan, Utah. Everyone seems to be from Utah. Everyone seems to know the traditions. Everyone seems to be so sure of themselves. Everyone, except me. Why does He need me in Logan? For anyone who says, "To get an education", I know. But I firmly believe that there is some other reason. If the only reason was to get an education, it wouldn't really matter where I went. But, for some reason it did. 

So, I've been searching for an answer. Nothing spectacular has come yet, but I found comfort in the talk given by Sister Pingree.  She said that she "feared (going to a new land), but I realized I hadchosen to make personal, binding, sacred commitments I meant to keep." At first I thought only of marriage covenants because, let's be honest, that's what I worry about. Not making those covenants in this life. But I then thought about how in the pre-mortal world we made a decision to come here and be tested and tried. Now we have the opportunity to make a covenant that we will continue to do that. This is my mission. Remain faithful to the covenants I have made, continue to make covenants and look forward to new covenants. 

Yes, I will work hard in school. But I will also find the Lord's will for me here in Logan, Utah. 

I needed this yesterday

Yesterday was wonderfully humbling. I woke up tired, missing my family and my friends Ryan, Becca, Davina, Beatriz and Camille and feeling a little defeated as I realized everything that needed to be done before the day was over. Don't get me wrong. I would rather be struggling with graduate school than struggling to work a full-time job that didn't pay well or, right now at-least, be a mom. There is a time to everything, and this is my time to enjoy, not just endure graduate school. Anyways, of course we had to sing, "Master the tempest is raging" in my institute class and of course I had to start crying. "Awaken and save I pray" the song said. That's exactly how I felt? Where was my redeemer? Hadn't he promised to save me? I was mistaken. He had already reached out, I just had to stretch forth my hand as well. Like Peter, I had walked on the water. I just had to keep my faith.

Back to the story. Of course my teacher had to come looking for me, and of course a girl came and located me in the bathroom. Guess what? She was in my LDS Stake. Like my mom said, "It seems like everyone is in your stake. Probably a reason for that".

So, this morning when I woke up, as I was running to the temple, I remembered a poem that I wrote a few years ago and I realized I wrote it for now. Now, when I was tired. Now, when I was missing my family and friends. Now, when I was feeling defeated. I needed a gift that God gave me. He is so wise and loving, and for that I am grateful. I love my Heavenly Father.

Stand

Sometimes He lets your heart break
Sometimes He lets you cry
Sometimes you feel as if,
the world's going to pass you by.

Sometimes the grief comes down
in sheets of torrent rain
and you wish for comfort, peace and still
that would take away your pain

Reach upward
Reach outward
Reach for His hand
Reach for His mercy,

Get up and stand.

Stand for something
Stand for what's right
Stand with power,
Stand with might.

Stand with the wisdom,
Stand with your will
Stand with your virtue,
but never stand still.

Time to get moving. There are people to be served and things to be done. 

A little bit of wonderful

That title pretty much sums up my life right now. I'm in a new ward and loving every minute of it (mostly). I'm slightly terrified at all these new experiences I'm having and all the new people I'm meeting. Most people don't think of me as shy, but meeting new people causes panic to well-up in my chest. Will they like me? Will I like them? Will they think I'm weird? Do they think people from the South are crazy? Will I come off as too religious? Most of the time I just have to decide that it doesn't matter and just go for it. And always, so far, people have been kind and understanding of my tears in relief society and my over-enthusiam as I talk about my major.

When my parents were still here, we went on a beautiful hike in Logan. That's when I fell in love. Just don't tell Georgia.

Dad hiked the Crimson Trail!

Aren't they just adorable? 

Beautiful Utah Scenery 

             



And look what else I found in Logan? I had so much fun hanging out with Josh, Tami, Keean. Go Dawgs!

And in other news, my little vacuum/broom thing does a wonderful job of cleaning up after itself :) I really like my apartment. Lots of people think it's crazy that I'm living alone, but I enjoy the solitude and I think it is actually making me more social.  

Why I am a Latter-day Saint (Mormon)

The short answer: I was born a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Now for the long answer. But, I can promise you're going to love it. This is the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. How exciting is this? The same gospel that was taught by Jesus Christ while He was on the earth, is on the earth again. The same baptism, the same sacrament, the same temple worship, the same teaching. I feel so much peace in this religion, but one thing to remember about me, and many other LDS persons, is that this is not simply a religion. Rather, this is the way that God intends us to live all the time. And guess what? I mess up. A lot. Another reason why I am LDS. The Gospel teaches me how to repent and become with my Father in heaven. This Gospel has taught me that I have a Father, as do all the people on this earth. This gives me a lot of hope as I begin working with people who have suffered from abuse. Regardless of the earthly father we have, our Heavenly Father is perfect. I understand I don't have all the answers, but this Gospel does. I love the way that a women in my congregation put it, "The power we get from ordinances will be as deep or as shallow as our knowledge of the Gospel". I'm still a baby in the Gospel, but I know it's true. I am so grateful that I can answers to life's questions. Just this morning I went to the temple, a sacred place of worship and I realized that I received comfort and strength within those walls, something that is so special to me. The reason I am a member of the LDS faith is because it answers life's questions, both the grand and the personal, through teaching and revelation. I love the Lord and am so blessed to be able to learn through His prophet and other leaders that have been appointed on this earth.

And just in case you want to understand more about the sacred nature of the temple, here you go:
LDS temples

Never quite pleased with where I am

When mom and dad are away, the kids must play. That's the rule, right? Well, tonight mom and dad are at church meetings (they're off getting our blessings as mom would say). So I scavenged the house for something to eat. Surprisingly after 5 years of school the same thing happens... there is nothing in the house to eat, or rather nothing that is quick enough. So I will revert back to my college days. Yes, I can legit-ly say "When I was in college". And what am I reverting back to? Peanut butter toast with cinnamon and sugar. Thank-you Camille for teaching me this. So much better than regular butter.

And with all of this talk of college I miss Provo. I miss crying on the phone to my mom. I miss running over to Beatriz's apartment to talk about boys. I miss school.

One month. Is it only one month until I leave to go to Logan? Amazing how times flies. Well, peanut butter toast here I come! Running in the cold, slipping on the ice and papers to write. Now I miss Georgia.

Who, me?

My best friend, Becca Hay, is visiting from Texas. Everyday she's been she's said two very important things: 

1. This is not where I expected you to live. 
Apparently my country-ness did not come out while in Provo. The horses, chickens and cows just never seem to come up in everyday conversation. I wouldn't trade where I grew up for anything. 
2. I love it here, it is so peaceful. 
It is, isn't it? I wake up and there is no noise. No cars, no loud people and no self listing everything that needs to be done during the day. Yes, things need to be done. Horses don't feed themselves, and graduate school will not pay for itself. But, a person to be loved is always more important than a chore to be done. 

So, while I anxiously await the next chapter of my life, I can also revel in the time I have here at home, because it is beautiful. 

Live the life.

"Love the life you live. Live the life you love." The other day I ran into an old friend. Okay, an old boyfriend. With a little sadness I thought back to the time during which we had dated and all the not-so-fun stuff that has happened since that time (dealing with saying goodbye to my best friends, trying to avoid heartache- very unsuccessfully, I might add and packing). Yes, I add packing to a list of not-so-fun things because I have been "packing" for almost eight weeks now, but have to keep unpacking. But guess what? This is the life I love. I love the cloudy days because they make me love sunshine. I love running down roads I probably shouldn't (literally and figuratively). I love going shopping at D.I. with Chelsea (Becca, don't cringe). I love the snow, and all the other things that have made this time in Provo so stinkin' enjoyable.

 I've loved my wards (congregation) and my bishops. Their service is so appreciated by all of the people that they touch and all of the lives that they help us figure out how to lead! I remember distinctly sitting in Brother Barlow's office (a leader in one of my old wards). I was complaining about life... about boys and how nothing was working out as I had planned. I was twenty-one at the time and bemoaning the fact that my boyfriend had broken up with me and blah blah blah. He looked at me and said, "I've heard you say, 'I want, I want, I want', but what does the Lord want for you?" So over the course of these last few years, I've asked what He wants. He wants me to live righteously, repent and turn to Him.

That is the life I want. To live with God, both now and in the eternities. Oh how blessed we are!

Thank-you to everyone who has helped me at BYU. I appreciate you.